May 17, 2008

If You Could Ask Jesus Anything…

In an earlier post, I listed several questions that I find worth asking of myself. Occasionally I ask these questions of others.

Kerry at The Ten 0′Clock Scholar proposed that I ask them of my blog-readers. And I thought, “Why not?”

Here’s the first question:

If you could ask Jesus anything and know you’d get an answer, what would you ask Him?

I got this question from Garry Poole’s Seeker Small Groups book. It’s one of the first things he asks his small groups, because no matter what their background is, everyone’s got unanswered questions.

It reminds me of the Chris Rice song, “Questions for Heaven,” in which Chris lists questions he’s saving up to ask the Lord. Most are curiosity-driven and not necessarily deep theological questions. Chris sings about questions like (I paraphrase to avoid copyright infringement):

  • Why bother with so many stars?
  • Do You play tricks on angels?
  • What happened to the dinosaurs?
  • Where’s Eden–the Garden of Eden?
  • What in the world causes deja vu?
  • Our jokes–do they make You laugh?
  • What are quasars? Feathers? UFOs?
  • Do You have a favorite cartoon?
  • What’s out there past the edges?
  • What’s with taste buds? What about tornadoes?
  • Why did You have us dream?

On a more serious note, Shalee jumped right in on my original post and published her question in the comments:

My question for Jesus would be “What ran through your mind when you resisted temptations, like the naked woman in front of you, the heady feeling of ultimate power, the irritations of having friends who just don’t listen. How did you keep yourself from falling into sin?” I mean, he was human like me, so what did he do to give a resounding “NO” when the temptations gave a strong pull for him to follow his desires rather than those of God. Too often, I know what I should do, but I let those pulls of selfish desires trump what I know God would have me do.

I asked my kids what they would ask Jesus–one of the girls asked if it would be a question to ask here and now, while we’re on earth? Or later, when we’re in heaven? I told her she was free to answer it either way or both ways, if the questions were different. I would say the same to anyone interested in posting their question in the comments–answer it however you wish.

Some of the kids’ questions:

  • Will we have the same bodies in heaven?
  • How will we recognize each other?
  • Will there be animals and pets in heaven?
  • Where is heaven?

So…

What would you ask Jesus, if you knew you’d get an answer?

May 17, 2008

The Helpful Posts Experiment

Last week, I launched an experiment for which I published five posts comprised of helpful content. They were to be filled with tips and organized in bullet-point fashion.

The question I was hoping to explore: How will this affect my stats (if at all)?

I wondered if it would increase traffic (and comments). Would readers find those five more interesting or worthwhile than stories, personal observation, or essay-style posts?

A few of you gently cautioned me–and I do so appreciate your words of wisdom–not to change things in order to gain traffic.

Also, you encouraged me to consider a return to storytelling, suggesting that helpful tip-like posts may bring in people initially, serving as a port of entry to a person’s blog, but it’s the writing and stories that keep people coming back.

One limitation in this experiment was in the area of data-gathering. My stats are generated automatically by WordPress, and they are minimal. I can’t dig down and get detailed information to analyze every click that a visitor is making.

At any rate, here are some notes:

  1. Coming up with five fairly original how-to/helpful posts was a bit of a challenge. I think I could generate one now and then, but not every day.
  2. Works For Me Wednesdays usually turn up slightly heavier traffic, and this week was no exception. This trend is partly why I thought that a tip-experiment might be interesting–people flock to WFMW; therefore, people must crave tips. This week’s numbers weren’t, however, significantly higher than a normal week. Perhaps one must develop a reputation for providing tips, as Shannon has? Five days isn’t long enough to do that.
  3. Commenting didn’t pick up much, but that may be my fault. I’m afraid I didn’t do much to encourage conversation, because I was swamped offline and didn’t have time to pop on and “chat.”
  4. Traffic increased dramatically due to a link from Meredith from Like Merchant Ships who must have something like fifteen thousand people subscribing to her blog. By the way, any new readers who have come by way of Like Merchant Ships, Welcome! Hi! (waving enthusiastically) I love her, too!

So my conclusions are:

  • The helpful-tip approach fit in with the “helpful” side of my personality. I didn’t mind it at all, but I wouldn’t enjoy writing every single post as a series of bullet points.
  • Participating in the WFMW carnival is a way to offer tips once a week and bring in curious people who are looking specifically for practical solutions to real-life problems. This is a consistent way to introduce the blog to new readers and be helpful.
  • The kindness of a blogger linking to something I’ve written does far more to affect stats than five days of bullet points.
  • There’s nothing I can do to gain linkage like that other than to continue writing things that I have discovered to be helpful or true…anything, whether story or lists, could offer linkable value. I might as well keep writing whatever inspires me, and perhaps once in a while it will inspire someone else.
  • Unless readers would tell me otherwise (in the comments below), I see no need to turn into a list-ish blog. If I feel inspired to write something like that, great. If not, I’ll simply bring on a good story to share with those I’ve come to know and love.

Lots of other resources (Monica at Paper Bridges suggested checking out Problogger.net) offer ways to increase traffic for super-serious bloggers out to make a living at it or generate a ton of traffic. I’m not going there.

Unless a long list of comments convinced me otherwise, I’m simply going to continue reading, learning, thinking, praying, living, laughing, struggling….and posting. The posts will continue to reflect the things I’m thinking and wondering about; lessons I’m learning; episodes with the kids that made me laugh; news stories that rocked my world–including why and how they rocked it.

I’m going to continue experimenting with writing styles, which I do occasionally, and getting some daily writing practice. I’m enjoying the discussions, no matter how brief, and hope to spend more time responding to the comments.

I don’t make one cent from this blog, so I don’t need numbers for numbers’ sake.

I like people.

You, whoever you are, and I have intersected for one moment in time. Our contact may be brief and inconsequential, or maybe we’ll launch a little dialogue. I think that’s significant and a wonderful benefit of blogging.

It’s not numbers.

It’s people.

And if seven people visit, those are seven people I enjoyed…seven people I hope to have given something…well…meaningful, in some small way. If it’s helpful, great. If inspiring, wonderful. If it brings a chuckle, that’s cool.

If it’s more than seven people–if it’s 700 or 7,000 people–I would still hope that the same small connection was made.

I hope that the time spent at this blog is worth the few minutes it takes to read.

Do you have any thoughts on the experiment?

  • If you read any of the posts, did you feel that they offered greater value than anything else you’ve seen on this blog?
  • Are those posts that drew you in, or would have, if you’d never read this blog before?
  • Would you want more in that style?

 

May 15, 2008

A Random Post about Six Random Things

I’m so done with being helpful.

Not really. I always like being helpful.

But it wasn’t easy generating five posts in a row that were kinda/sorta “helpful” and tip-driven in content–and I don’t even know if they count as helpful! They sure weren’t Martha Stewart-helpful or Good Housekeeping-tip-filled. They were odd; I realized my limitations.

Before long, I was running low on ideas. In fact, I was about ready to compose one on various methods for reviving a dead fish–I kid you not–when I realized I’d pretty much tapped out my helpfulness. At least for now.

One curious shift that happened during this five-post experiment was to sense how my mind started processing information and ideas. Suddenly I found myself attempting to collect, compare, contrast, and categorize all input in search of any connection at all–my mind was working hard to pull things together.

Also, I almost felt as if I were beginning to think in a linear fashion. Could I have become slightly–and this is unfathomable to me–sequential?

I started dreaming in bullet points.

I’m joking.

Here’s what I really think about bullet points in particular:

  • I worry that bullet points are reductionist writing and reflect the sound bite culture we’re living in. I’m not sure I like contributing to that.
  • But they do break down blocks of text into easily managed ideas, visually organizing material quite nicely. They almost beckon a person to jump to the bullet points and read on.
  • I was exaggerating about dreaming in bullet points. That was an attempt at hyperbole.
  • I did remember a recent dream–it was actually a nightmare: I left The Boy home alone playing with a friend and remembered only after I had been gone for an hour. When I realized what happened, I drove like a wild woman across front and back yards–the shortest route home–threw the back door open, called out his name, and he called back in a happy tone. He and his friend were playing in the basement. They didn’t even know I’d been gone. But there wasn’t a single bullet point in that dream. Only a feeling of panic. I think I called out his name in my sleep.

Can you tell I’m ready to return to stories and random observations? It’s time for this blogger to return to the normal Kroeker chaos.

But before I shift back to my random and chaotic approach to blogging, I’m going to include a transition post full of bullet-points. I was just warming up with that first set.

To accommodate this unusually sequential mode of thinking and transition to randomness, I’ve been tagged for the perfect bullet-point-friendly meme by both Andrea at Flourishing Mother and L.L. Barkat at Green Inventions Central.

Six (no, twelve!) Random Things about Me

(If I’ve been tagged twice, don’t I have to offer twelve? Never fear–I can do that.)

  • I always seem to need one more layer of clothing than anybody else–and even then I still feel cold. Because of this, I’m not really all that fond of fall, winter or spring–until it gets consistently above 70 degrees, I’m hit with chills and left shivering as I track down another sweater or scarf. 
  • Thus, summer is my favorite season.
    ::pause::
    Excuse me, I just realized my feet are cold. Had to get some socks.
  • Uneven front teeth. But you already knew that.
  • Love Nutella. But you already knew that, too.
  • I seem to ask people what they think more often than I ask how they feel. What would Myers-Briggs fanatics do with that?
  • What? you Myers-Briggs fanatics exclaim. You don’t know your Myers-Briggs profile? Nope. It always amazes me that people can rattle off, “I’m ISTP” or, “Oh, my husband is an ENTJ.”  I have no idea what I am. In fact, I’m so clueless about it, I had to cheat and go to a website to find out the letter possibilities just now.
  • I could eat boxes and boxes of chocolate-covered raspberry sticks from Trader Joe’s without ever getting sick of them.
  • The first diaper I ever changed was my own daughter’s.
  • I won a typing contest in high school.
  • I didn’t speak one word of French before I met The Belgian Wonder. I might have known “oui,” but nothing more. I’m barely conversational even now, after 17 years of marriage and several trips to visit his family. I’m happy to report, however, that I can say more than “oui.” I can now say “merci beaucoups” and “au revoir.” Oh, and “je t’aime.” Three very important phrases.
  • I used to play the clarinet fairly well. When I pick one up today, I can still play a few lines from the solo I performed when I was a senior in high school. It’s in there.
  • Remember how I wrote about Mother’s Day, and how anything that happened would be good? It was. It was very good. My kids and The Belgian Wonder scurried around the kitchen preparing the meal, my parents came over, my brother and his family came over, and I even got several sweet homemade presents. One was a hand-stitched cat made from a pattern that one of the girls found online. Another was a hand-tied, double-weight fleece blanket (see Random Thing #1 for why they would have come up with this warm gift idea), and this collection of paper bits:

Given with love by the same hands that offered me a handful of helicopters from the maple tree out back two years ago.

There you have it. Twelve random things, neatly and irresistibly presented in bullet point format.

Thus ends the tip-intensive lineup here at Kroeker Central. I do hope you will appreciate the shift back to the unexpected.

May 14, 2008

Three Ways to Bring Balance to Your Face

I’ve already offered my grossest Works For Me Wednesday idea.

Now I’m going to offer three of my weirdest tips–and they’re all related to the face.

Specifically about bringing balance to the:

  • Teeth
  • Eyebrows
  • Smile

TEETH
One time I was looking at a picture of Katie Couric. Here’s one that will suffice to illustrate my point. For some reason, when I glanced at the photo, my eye went to her teeth. I saw that one of her front teeth was “bigger” than the other–that the gum was worn higher on her left front tooth than her right.

I thought, “She must brush with her right hand and focus more attention on that one.” I’m not picking on Katie–it’s just that her photo was the first one to draw my attention to this. In fact, be sure to note that the photo I selected is from People magazine’s “Most Beautiful People 2007″ issue. Obviously her unbalanced teeth take nothing away–she’s stunning.

Anyway, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that I’m doing the exact same thing! I leaned in, and sure enough–one tooth, bigger. I thought, “Whoa! I’ve got to go easy on the brushing!” I’ve got to ease up on my left one, for sure. In my morning fog, I’ve got to pay more attention to my ablutions.

So that’s the first tip–for more even gum-wear, pay more attention when brushing. Because the gum doesn’t grow back. And I don’t want people to point to me as illustrative of someone who is “long in the tooth.”

Okay, so the second is like it, only different.

EYEBROWS
One time I was talking with a friend of mine who is a tad older than I. I don’t know what we were talking about that would have prompted this, but she pointed to one of her eyebrows and said, “Look! One goes up higher than the other. See? The other hardly has any strength to lift at all!” And sure enough, she lifted one high and when she tried to lift the other, it was lethargic.

“Let that be a lesson to you, Ann.”

“What’s the lesson?” I asked.

“I think you should exercise both while you’re young,” she said. “Remember when your mom said your face would freeze that way? I think it kind of does.”

So I went home and looked in the mirror to compare my eyebrow lifting abilities. I’ve always been quite, um, expressive. When I make faces, they are big. I call my face “elasti-face” or “stage face,” as this post explains. So I can lift both eyebrows high. And I can isolate my left eyebrow while the right one stays down, doing sort of a quizzical Spock imitation.

But I can’t lift my right eyebrow on its own.

So at the advice of my friend with the weary eyebrow, I have practiced lifting just the one now and then.

To balance things out a little.

SMILE
Oh, and the smile. Corner lifts are something to consider, as well. Does one side of the smile go up higher than the other? Maybe the muscles on the opposite side need a little exercise? When no one’s looking, I practice a one-sided grin. Or, well, I hope nobody’s looking–if they catch me “exercising,” they’ll think I’m smirking.

IN CONCLUSION
After 40 years of overzealous, unbalanced brushing, I won’t know if a tamer toothbrush regimen will really make a difference, or if I can one day lift each eyebrow individually, but I figure it can’t hurt.

Maybe I can be on Letterman with my eyebrows for stupid human tricks.

As for the tooth, I just hope I can avoid using Sensodyne for a few more years.

Symmetry isn’t attainable; in fact, asymmetry offers some visual interest.

I guess this is more about balance.

Like rotating your tires.

More odd and possibly helpful tips from Ann Kroeker are here.

I’ve been experimenting with how-to and helpful-tip posts for the past five days. If you’re curious:

Six Questions Worth Asking Myself

7 Ways to Enjoy Everyday Fun

7 Keys to a Happier Mother’s Day

13 Tips for Finding Five Minutes of Free Time for Mom (without multi-tasking!)

To poke around for surely less odd and probably far more helpful tips, visit Rocks In My Dryer.

May 12, 2008

Six Questions Worth Asking Myself

I like to explore why I make certain choices or feel strongly about various issues. So I find that a few questions like these get me thinking and writing and praying. Sometimes I use variations on these questions with my friends, generating some interesting discussion.

I’d love to sit and have tea with you so we could explore these together.

Why not? We have the technology to enjoy a virtual conversation over a virtual cup of tea.

First, the tea.

 

Then, the questions. They’re written first person, but to launch a discussion, just rewrite them to “you.”

 

  1. If I could ask Jesus anything and know I’d get an answer, what would I ask Him? I got this question from Garry Poole’s Seeker Small Groups book. It’s one of the first things he asks his small groups, because no matter what their background is, everyone’s got unanswered questions. He writes down what people say, and then builds the next few weeks of discussion around those very questions! I’d like to propose that every one of us would benefit from spending a few minutes with a journal and pen and an open heart toward the Lord. Honestly, what would you ask Him if you knew He heard you, and you knew He’d give you an answer? That’s a list worth making. It’s a list worth talking with Him about. It’s worth exploring the answers later, too, with friends or on your own.
  2. How have I changed? The answers to this question could be encouraging if I see ways I’ve changed for the better–how I’ve softened or strengthened, for example, or how I’ve taken risks or served in love. It might be discouraging, however, to realize how little I’ve changed in other ways–though motivating (see the following question).
  3. How do I need to change? Introspective and humbling, this question may draw up some important answers. Approach it open and prayerfully, asking God to reveal what needs to change–what He wants to change in you. A few times, I have humbly asked my family to answer this for me. How do they think I need to change? For them to answer freely and honestly, I had to assure them that they were safe; that I wouldn’t get defensive or hold their answers against them later.
  4. What are my values? Or, What do I value? If I figure this out, I can start to see how my life is aligning with those values–or not. My hope is that my values are grounded in Scripture and that my daily choices flow from them. To actually list out my values makes me put them into words, and then I can compare them against biblical principles.
  5. What do I want? This related question focuses on desire. Consumption. Hopes. Dreams. What do we honestly desire? What do we want? Or what do we want to want? For example, if I honestly want something completely trite and meaningless, but I want to want the will of God in my life, that’s an honest realization. Taking my list to the Lord, I can ask Him about each thing I wrote down. And I can ask if my answers align with His desires…and ask Him to give me His desires if they don’t.
  6. What’s next? This question is deceptively simple, because the answer(s) may change my next few minutes, my plans for the day, or the entire course of my life’s path.

Use them as journal prompts or to launch a fascinating conversation with a spouse or close friend. Some could be utilized in a small group setting, as well.

Or I suppose you could use one on a slow blog day, if you want to peel back layers to reveal your deepest yearnings to the World Wide Web. It does seem that for many, the purpose of their blog is to analyze one’s self in a public setting.

I wish I’d served a little something with the tea. I’m sorry–I got so involved with the questions that I forgot a snack. Well, when this happens at home, I just pull out my standard treat:


 

I’ll root around for a little French bread or a simple butter cookie, a couple of knives, and we can smear them with Nutella.

Nutella, tea, and profound questions to ponder with a friend.

Just the way I like to spend an afternoon.

May 11, 2008

7 Ways to Enjoy Everyday Fun

Daily life can be such a drag, so blah. The chores can be tedious. The drive to work, dull.

Some days can be reduced to scrub, swipe, fold, wash, rinse, repeat; others, to conquering an overwhelming to-do list or in-box.

One way to approach the daily grind is simply to take a deep breath and dig in, applying self-discipline, determination, willpower, and grit. That’ll get you going…and it’s often what sees us through to the end, to completion. Grit is good.  As Winston Churchill might remind us, “Never, never, never give up.”

But along the way, while swishing, sweeping, scrubbing and sorting, why not look for ways to have fun? Why not lighten up our everyday tasks?

The kids can benefit, too.

Now, don’t get me wrong: They need to learn to tap into that, “I don’t want to do this, but I’ll do it anyway” spot to accomplish goals. They need to know that life isn’t all X-Box games and online chats. When they are given a list of things to do, they need to just do it.

But some things can be done…while having a little fun.

On Mondays, I started a carnival called Monday FunDay, inviting people to participate by posting in the comments how they are livening up their Mondays. This time, I’ll offer ideas you can employ right away, as soon as you log off and start working your way through your list. Add to the ideas in the comments, please. We can all use some ways to lighten up.

  • Mary Poppins: The Boy had dumped an enormous box of oversized Lego building blocks all over the floor this week. He built tall towers and buildings and smashed trucks through them–they were very fun. But when it came time to pick them up, he stared with despair at so many blocks. How would he ever get them put away? Then I had a Mary Poppins moment when I envisioned some creative cleanup. I went to the garage and pulled out his child-sized plastic snow shovel. “Look! You can shovel them into the storage tub!” Suddenly, it was hilarious to be shoveling toys, and the job was done in no time.
  • Music: You probably do this already, don’t you? Put on music that makes you smile, laugh, sing, or dance. It makes everyday chores more enjoyable. Let the kids turn on something fun for themselves as they sift through the clothes in their room.
  • Blog Fodder: Imagine creative ways to spin your boring, tedious task-of-the-day on the blog when you’re done. Amuse us all with your creative phrasing. Amuse yourself as you compose it in your head.
  • Fartlek: I promise you this doesn’t mean what you think it means. The term “fartlek” is a Swedish term that means “speed play,” and runners use it to describe a training run when they insert some random bursts of speed into an otherwise steady pace. They may decide to sprint hard from a mailbox to a stop sign and then return to a jog. It’s a way to vary pace and insert a little game into a run. Why not transfer this principle to our chores or tasks? See if you can pick up the pace while mopping one area of a big room–from the stove to the cabinets, mop with more energy and speed. Then feel free to drop back to a steady pace. Pick it up on one of the bathrooms and then ease up when you get to the landing. You get the idea. Play a speed game. Fartlek. [Insert offensive sound effects and junior high giggles.]
  • Work for the Carrot: Come up with small pleasures to enjoy upon completion of various tasks–after cleaning the fridge, have a healthy snack. When you finish straightening the closet, read a chapter in whatever novel you’re reading. Not only will the reward itself be fun, but the thought of the reward will bring some fun to your work.
  • Before & After Photos: Document your work–take digital photos of the messy desk before you sort, file and straighten, and after you finish. Compare. Smile. Be proud. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come and what a difference my work has made. That’s fun to look back on.
  • Many Hands Make Light–and fun–Work: Involve more people. While you’re at it, combine these ideas, too. Ask the kids to join you in some speed games or have them select the music, and when you’re done with a task, offer a simple reward–a freezer pop for everyone, or a marshmallow if they’re easy-to-please. For a huge task, invite friends to help you out…and offer to assist them with a task of similar magnitude. Document it with fun photos posing next to the project before and after. You know, now that I mentioned it, does anyone want to come over and help sling mulch next week? Paint the bathroom?

Our world seems obsessed with fun, but in our pursuit of big fun like a beach vacation, we could risk resenting the everyday obligations. Instead of looking only to the big fun, the expensive and involved fun, try injecting a little everyday fun into your life. Your kids will see that life doesn’t have to be dull and boring–that X-Box isn’t the only fun to be had.

If nothing else, teach your kids the word “fartlek” and use it a lot today in conversations.

I’d almost guarantee it’s good for a few fun moments.

May 10, 2008

7 Keys to a Happier Mother’s Day

Sure, we hope to be honored in some way on Mother’s Day.

And some of us will. For some of us, Sunday will be a day of extravagant gifts and champagne brunches.

Some of us will have creative spouses and industrious children with lots of resources and initiative–we’ll have scones and strawberries for breakfast in bed, and chocolate truffles with lunch.

Or our child’s school or Sunday School teacher will come up with a craft sure to touch us deep in the mom-spot inside our hearts–something we’ll display on the fridge with delight.

And some of us will get a whole lot of nothing.

The kids will forget until the day of, suddenly realizing, “Oops. This is Mother’s Day.” To compensate, they’ll rush out in the yard to pick dandelions and offer us a limp, last-minute bouquet. Sweet, but not super-special.

And we’ll be thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me! THIS is all I get for all my sacrifice? THIS is what I’m offered in exchange for laying down my life day after day?”

One year, I got a fistful of dried up helicopters from the maple tree in our back yard as my Mother’s Day gift. I think they were leftover from fall, very dry and brittle. I stuck the sad little display of last-minute love in a glass juice cup and set it on the counter. I smiled and thanked the giver of the gift, but I was disappointed that nobody did anything out of the ordinary. Nobody planned in advance.

And later, after I’d moped quite a bit, I thought, “No, this is all my child had to work with. With so few resources available, the gift was limited to what could be found in the back yard.”

I think I ended up getting all of that day’s meals prepared by someone else after The Belgian Wonder recognized the pouty “look” that I wore on my sleeve.

But I did, finally, come around to a healthier, happier attitude. At some point, I decided to let go of my “right” to a happy Mother’s Day and stop wishing for more recognition or thanks. I stopped assuming I’d get some honor or special treatment.

I hope to save you from such a miserable, self-centered experience…not that I mean to imply you would be as small-of-spirit as I was. You may ooze gratitude more readily than I.

For anyone else who has struggled a little with feeling a little underwhelmed by Mother’s Day, here are several keys to a happier Mother’s Day that I plan employ this year. I offer them to you, as well, and wrote them as if addressing you (when they’re actually reminders for me).

  1. “It’s all good.” This phrase was popular a few years ago, and I used to hate it. Because whoever used it would make excuses or try to suggest that the entire world was filled with goodness and light. And I would get aggravated, because the world is not all good. One’s actions are not all good. One can be wronged. But I got to thinking about it in this context, the context of a potentially disappointing Mother’s Day, and I thought that I’d best accept anything and everything–or even nothing–as good. It’s all good. If someone forgot, it’s good. Because I didn’t become a mom to get flowers and brunch. If I get another collection of helicopters from the maple tree, or a basket of sweetgum balls from the trees out front, it’s good. It’s all good.
  2. Lower expectations. This is related to #1. If I have lower expectations, it’s easier to truly say that it’s all good. I’m heading into my Sunday with very low expectations. This year, there’s been a little whispering amongst the kiddoes, so something is being planned. I’m going to imagine nothing more substantial than a homemade card folded down from a piece of copypaper, with a hastily scribbled crayon message inside. I’ll expect nothing more. And the card will be good. Very good.
  3. Make suggestions. Hey, be bold. If no one is making breakfast in bed, simply order it something like this:

    ~ “Good morning, kiddoes! It’s Mother’s Day, and I thought that since I am right here in this cute bistro, Chez Kroeker, I might order myself a piece of toast with jam. What do you think? Is there a chef down there who could whip that up for me?” Make it fun. Make it a game. You’ll get toast with lots of smiles.

    ~ “For Mother’s Day, do you know what would make me feel super-special? If you would give me a back rub.”

    ~ “Do you think Papa and you could get me some sweet tea from McDonald’s? That would be a perfect treat this afternoon.”

    ~ “How about you all run all the errands for me around the house, and I get to lounge like a diva? Yes? Oh, thank you. Well, for starters, would you please get me my book? It’s next to the nightstand upstairs….ah, perfect. Thank you, dear. Now, how about some hot chocolate and my slippers?”
  4. Focus on other moms. Assume that every mom-friend you know will enjoy a little message of love and support. If their Mother’s Days turned out less-than-perfect, your word of encouragement might remind them that they are precious in every way.

    ~ e-cards: It’s too late for traditional cards, but why not send an e-card?

    ~ phone a friend.

    ~ e-mail a note and attach any photo that fits the occasion that you might have on hand.
  5. Focus on your own mom. (An early Happy Mother’s Day, Mom, if you’re reading this!) Growing up, I’m sure I did little to surprise or bless my mom on Mother’s Day. (I’m sorry, Mom. I’m really, really sorry.) This humbling realization sure puts my own disappointments in perspective.
  6. Treat yourself. If no one else does anything special for you, treat yourself. Indulge in a special chocolate or some drink that you hardly ever splurge on for yourself. Make yourself smile.
  7. Humble thyself. Jesus made this possible. I am a mom because He saved me and later gave me The Belgian Wonder and later still, entrusted four people to my care. I don’t deserve a big hoopla and gushy thanks. I don’t deserve any one of those kids. They are a gift. Plus, I fail so often, it’s humbling to think that anyone would rise up and call me blessed. This life with its ups and downs; it’s all from Him, through Him, for Him, because of Him, thanks to Him, for from Him and to Him and through Him are all things. To Him be glory forever! (Romans 11:36)

A few years ago, I was at the Willow Creek Community Church website for some reason, and I saw a place to sign up for an occasional e-mail from Bill Hybels. On a whim, I clicked to sign up, and it comes so sporadically, I never remember to unsubscribe. On the 8th, he sent one to his list, and he wrote about watching Shauna Niequist, whom you may recall I was able to meet at the Festival of Faith and Writing (scroll down this post to see my photo with her), in her role as a mom:

 
I spent a day with my daughter Shauna and her 18 month old son Henry. Watching Shauna “mother” this little guy was a religious experience for me. Her unbridled joy and affection for Henry reminded me why moms are so critical in establishing a sense of self esteem and security in the lives of little ones. Her gentle discipline with him as he kept trying to yank the cables out of the back of the TV underscored how badly small children need protection and limits. And watching Shauna read and pray with Henry demonstrated how determined she is to lay a spiritual foundation in his young life. All that to say, I saw a young mom, up close and personal, laying it down for her son. This is what mothers do. This is part of the maternal instinct that God imprinted in the souls of women. I do hope that all of you spend a few moments this week figuring out just how you can bless your mother and grandmother.

Your husband and kids probably never signed up for Bill Hybels’ e-mails, so they won’t get this gentle reminder from him. If not, if nobody figures out just how to bless you on Sunday, I hope you are able to find a bit of happiness.

You are a blessing. You are. You’re a blessing to your family, no matter what they say, or don’t say.

And everything you do for them will be used for good as we come humbly before the Lord and confess our failings and accept His forgiveness and love.

As we let Him change us to be a little more like Him, using motherhood to do so, its ups and downs, we can truly say, “It’s all good.”

An early Happy Mother’s Day to you, dear mom-reader.

May 9, 2008

13 Tips for Finding Five Minutes of Free time for Mom (without multi-tasking!)

I recently revealed that multi-tasking simply doesn’t work for me. In that post, I pointed to links highlighting research on the inefficiency of multi-tasking, that as quantity of work goes up, something suffers. Yesterday’s report called “Cramming the Most into Time” on ABC World News with Charles Gibson affirmed what I was saying.

If I don’t multi-task, how do I find a few minutes for myself–to write, read, Google something of interest, blog, pray, journal, or study the Word?

In anticipation of Mother’s Day, I’d like to propose thirteen ways that a mom can find five minutes (or more!) of free time. While I love spending time with my kids, I still need some time alone. I have in the past combined some of these ideas and over the course of a month, was able to patchwork together free moments for myself each week.

Once you carve it out, use this free time however you wish–to do something productive, to rest, or to spend time connecting with a friend, or with the Lord Himself. All are valuable. It’s your time to use as you choose.

  1. Live simply. I have learned to agree to fewer commitments and activities. By doing less, I have more discretionary time for myself or to be available to others in emergencies.
  2. If you aren’t currently living simply, learn to say no to some new commitment that would otherwise suck up the only free time you carved out. Practice with me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t at this time.” (If you’ve already committed to something, however, I encourage you to see it through to the end.)
  3. Hire a sitter. Save somewhere else–maybe skip the Starbucks a couple of times–and use that money to pay for an hour of sitting. Our Kindercare has a drop-off program that I used one year with my youngest. The cost was $8 for an hour, and I would just call and give them a heads up, and as long as it wasn’t the middle of naptime, I could slip by and leave him for a couple of hours once a week.
  4. Hire a “Mother’s Helper.” Children not old enough to babysit on their own can be a “Mother’s Helper.” You’re still in the house somewhere to be on hand in an emergency, but the older child can occupy the kids. During the school day, try asking a homeschooling family in the neighborhood if you could hire one of their kids to entertain your young ones for a little while–maybe more than five minutes! How about an hour? Lock yourself in the bedroom. Sleep. Read. Pray. Flip through a magazine. Feel okay about this.
  5. Swap babysitting or set up a Co-op. I know that even finding $16 extra can be hard–besides, you may have multiple children, like I do, and that can really add up quick! When my kids were little, some friends from church and I set up a babysitting rotation. There are lots of creative ways to trade sitting. Here’s an article with several versions of co-ops. Here’s another one
  6. Order pizza and ask the family to eat without you for dinner one night (hand them paper plates). You can skip dinner and fast, pray, or swing by the park and go for a walk.
  7. Put in a good DVD to occupy the kids and leave the dishes for an hour. One time won’t warp the kids or summon the health department. Even once a week wouldn’t.
  8. Working moms–set aside a lunch hour. Pack a sandwich, block off a lunch hour at work on your electronic calendar, and lock the door to your office if you have one. A “Do Not Disturb” sign should make things clear, or you could simply leave the office and go for a walk.
  9. Quiet Hour. If your kids are too old to nap, or don’t nap very well but can be trusted alone in their rooms, send the entire household to their beds as you announce a “Quiet Hour.” The kids can listen to soft music if they like. They can look at books. But they must stay in bed. Depending on kids’ personalities or ages, Mom can at least sit in the hallway with her own book, or maybe even retreat to her own room.
  10. Turn off the TV. Try weaning yourself from a few programs–it’s amazing how much time you’ll save. Leave Oprah off one day a week–or (don’t hate me) stop watching altogether. Dr. Phil, too. And the morning news shows. Think of all those commercial breaks and entertainment spots they use to pad the hour–and think of how much time you’ll save…for yourself.
  11. Vacation Day. If those babysitting ideas don’t pan out, ask for a vacation day. If you work, ask for a day off. Then instead of taking the kids to a children’s museum or the zoo, let it be your day, just this once. Maybe your spouse could take the day off to be with the kids while you take off?
  12. Wake up earlier, or stay up later. Unless you need sleep more than anything else, stay up a tiny bit later or wake up a bit earlier and set those extra minutes aside for yourself. Promise? It’s easy for them to be absorbed into the morning shuffle, or lost while flipping on the 10 o’clock news.
  13. Take a walk or jog. These are two activities that allow for “multi-tasking” without suffering too much. The repetitive nature of walking allows a person to think or pray or sing or daydream. A competitive runner training for a marathon might not be able to let her mind wander, but a recreational jogger or someone walking briskly and rhythmically probably can. Exercise bikes, stairclimbers, and other machines offer a similar benefit.

Think creatively, and there are lots of ways to get a few minutes to yourself–and do so without feeling guilty. We don’t want to ignore our kids or shove them aside–it’s the opposite. By taking a break and taking care of ourselves for a few minutes a day or each week, we’ll fill up the tanks that motherhood obligations can strain and drain.

Find five minutes of free time for yourself today, and be sure to come back to the comments and share how you carved it out. We can all use more creative ideas to inspire us!

May 8, 2008

Five Days of How-To Posts: A blog experiment offering helpful information in bullet-point form

What makes a post popular?

On my blog, which is an unfocused mish-mash of ideas that flit through my mind at any given moment, the all-time top posts are as follows:

  1. Castile Soap for a Simpler Life (and blemish-free face)
  2. Thick and Chewy, Fast and Easy Pizza Dough
  3. Overnight Crockpot Steel-Cut Oatmeal

What am I doing posting about the perils of my attempts to multi-task?

Why bother typing up Katherine Paterson’s thoughts on Beauty?

Blog-readers want TIPS.

They want HELPFUL INFO.

Why do I kid myself and write posts about something cute my kids said, or about some Deep Thought I’ve come across in a book or at a conference? I need to be writing bullet-pointed how-to posts that empower people in some way.

My brief blog-analysis reminded me of other surprise hits that were ”tip-ish” in nature:

Helpful ideas, step-by-step how-tos, and tips. Tips, tips, tips.

And yet….

And yet people flock to the clever writers, the funny folks, the great photographers. The Dooces and Boomamas and Pioneer Women of the world. They do offer some helpful tips along the way, though, so maybe it all comes down to TIPS. And if you’re funny, too, all the better. And if your funny and can take great pictures, you’re a shoe-in to becoming a Blogging Superstar.

By the way, have you seen Dooce make the rounds on talk shows representing the power of Blogging Mommas? She was in the Wall Street Journal a couple of weeks ago and was scheduled to be on the Today Show either yesterday or the day before.

I usually try to save tip-type posts for Rocks In My Dryer’s Works For Me Wednesdays (talk about TIPS–she’s a Tip-Warehouse!).

But now I’m curious what would happen if I specialized in tips for a few days?

Not that I have that many ideas to offer the world.

It’s not like I’m Family Circle magazine personified.

But if I talked to friends and thought about it, I might be able to pull together a few “collections” under some kind of theme.

If I can manage to pull it off, I just wonder if my titles ended up How-To in flavor instead of story-driven or essay-style, how that might affect things?

I feel an experiment coming on.

Five Days of How-To Posts: Experiment with Helpful Posts that Offer Value Implementing Quick-and-Easy Tweaks

Honestly, just to be clear, I love my faithful readers and those who pop in now and then. You’re fun, encouraging, and insightful. You’re writing great stuff of your own. I love the community of like-minded people who drop in here to see what my radar has picked up and posted; and I try to visit yours, as well. So don’t ever question my satisfaction and gratitude for how you let me be myself here.

I guess I’m just curious what would happen if I tweaked my content for a few days.

Feel free to join me on this experimental venture. You, too, can try posting nothing but helpful, how-to, informational content for a few days.

Just to see.

Don’t you wonder?

I guess I’d better wrap this up and start making some lists.

May 7, 2008

What doesn’t work for me? Multi-tasking

Multi-tasking has never really worked for me.

I’ve tried. Over the years, I’ve felt like there are many times when I’ve had no choice but to do a dozen things at once.

But when I do that regularly–when multi-tasking is my mode of operation, nonstop, every day, from sun-up to sundown, I get agitated. I feel all frenzied and harried. I leave one of the two or seven things half-finished. I mess up something. It’s not energizing for me–au contraire, I feel drained and beaten down. In spite of diving-in to all those tasks and feeling the pleasure of accomplishment, I somehow end up feeling incredibly unproductive.

So I read up on multi-tasking. Research keeps emerging on the subject, and as I understand what’s revealed and reported, I feel as if I understand myself–and my limits–better.

It’s not that we actually do two or three or five or ten things at one time. This more academic article explains that when we “multi-task,” our “executive control” or “mental CEO” is at work prioritizing and allocating resources to this task or that–in essence ”toggling” from one thing to the other as it sets on-the-spot goals.

In this more accessible article from CNN.com, one of those researchers is quoted extensively. She uses the example of talking on a cell phone while driving:

A lot of folks…think, ‘Well, cell phoning while driving is really no big deal and I can get away with it.’ But even if you have a cell phone that’s not held by hand and can be dialed by voice, you still have a really big conflict because when you’re driving you need to be looking at various different places, you need to be reading signs, you need to be talking to yourself about those in order to — through your mental speech — make decisions about where to go with your car. And there’s no way to do that while on the cell phone because you have to use your ‘inner ears’ and ‘inner speech’ and even your ‘inner eyes’ to imagine what the person on the phone is talking about.”

“We found that ’switch cost,’” says Rubenstein, “increases with the complexity of the tasks. That suggests that a very simple conversation on the phone while driving a car — maybe ‘Honey, please pick up some bread on the way home’ — might not draw too much concentration. But if the conversation becomes difficult or emotionally charged or mentally taxing — like ‘Honey, the house is burning down, what should I do?’ — it draws more attention and more mental resources away from your primary task, which is driving the car: You’re more likely to have an accident.”

When we attempt efficiency, there’s a “shift cost”, and something suffers.

This article pointing to a more recent Johns Hopkins study describes the process of shifting from one thing to another as “turning down the volume”:

“The reason?” he said. “Directing attention to listening effectively ‘turns down the volume’ on input to the visual parts of the brain. The evidence we have right now strongly suggests that attention is strictly limited — a zero-sum game. When attention is deployed to one modality — say, in this case, talking on a cell phone — it necessarily extracts a cost on another modality — in this case, the visual task of driving.”

Take the example of students, as well, who try to juggle several things while doing homework–they text friends, IM, update Facebook, listen to music, glance at the TV screen to catch a few seconds of an American Idol performance. Something may suffer in that mix, as well. A student may tap out an IM or post something to Facebook without giving sufficient thought to wording and editing, and communicate something unintended causing relationships to erupt.

Or they miss every other problem of their Algebra homework because they were mesmerized by Syesha.

In fact, this related article highlights multi-tasking as it relates to learning:

“Multi-tasking adversely affects how you learn,” said Russell Poldrack, UCLA associate professor of psychology and co-author of the study. “Even if you learn while multi-tasking, that learning is less flexible and more specialized, so you cannot retrieve the information as easily. Our study shows that to the degree you can learn while multi-tasking, you will use different brain systems.

“The best thing you can do to improve your memory is to pay attention to the things you want to remember,” Poldrack added. “Our data support that. When distractions force you to pay less attention to what you are doing, you don’t learn as well as if you had paid full attention.”

Tasks that require more attention, such as learning calculus or reading Shakespeare, will be particularly adversely affected by multi-tasking, Poldrack said.

Reduce distractions. Focus.

At the end of that article, Poldrack concluded, ”Concentrate while you’re studying.”

And then this article on a study done in Great Britain stood out to me if only due to the headline that popped up in my search. It’s about multi-tasking on the job, but the headline reads: “E-mails hurt IQ more than pot.”

The survey of 1,100 Britons showed:

 

  • Almost two out three people check their electronic messages out of office hours and when on holiday  
  • Half of all workers respond to an e-mail within 60 minutes of receiving one  
  • One in five will break off from a business or social engagement to respond to a message.  
  • Nine out of 10 people thought colleagues who answered messages during face-to-face meetings were rude, while three out of 10 believed it was not only acceptable, but a sign of diligence and efficiency. But the mental impact of trying to balance a steady inflow of messages with getting on with normal work took its toll, the UK’s Press Association reported.
  • And this:

    He found the IQ of those who tried to juggle messages and work fell by 10 points — the equivalent to missing a whole night’s sleep and more than double the 4-point fall seen after smoking marijuana.”

    Dude. R U checkin’ your e-mails while reading this?

    The article said, “This is a very real and widespread phenomenon…We have found that this obsession with looking at messages, if unchecked, will damage a worker’s performance by reducing their mental sharpness….Companies should encourage a more balanced and appropriate way of working…The research suggests that we are in danger of being caught up in a 24-hour ‘always on’ society.”

    Always on. Caught up in a dozen tasks, juggling 18 plates, never pausing.

    Makes me tired.

    And inefficient.

    I know a lot of people who can handle it. Their adrenaline kicks in, their capacity is huge, and they’re very organized, meaning that some of their work will tax the brain less. For them, multi-tasking is how they hold down two jobs and get their kids to Girl Scouts on time with hair brushed and uniform ironed. I’m impressed with all of you who fit that description!

    I do not. Were I to tackle two jobs and getting the kids to Girl Scouts, we’d arrive late and look bedraggled. And I’d look a little wild-eyed, because I’d be so stressed out about what I forgot to do at the first job and worry that I’m not ready for the second one.

    We might pull it off, but something would suffer.

    Last weekend I chatted with a soccer mom I knew slightly–she’s one of the nurses at our pediatrician’s office. She’s also launched a program through a local hospital to help kids struggling with weight. I said something about my inability to multi-task and that from my reading, “multi-tasking actually makes us less efficient. Something suffers.”

    She strongly disagreed. Multi-tasking is how she’s making it through the day. It’s how she’s keeping her program up and running even though it’s understaffed. It’s how she gets her kids to soccer and keeps working at the doctor’s office one day a week.

    We talked some more, and she said that it’s during “down time,” when she’s waiting for a computer to boot that she makes a phone call; or when she’s running photocopies that she can check e-mail.

    “I guess we need to define ‘multi-tasking,’ then,” I said. “Because that sounds like ‘making good use of “down” time’ rather than trying to actually do two things at the same time.”

    A friend of mine sitting next to me was half-engaged in the conversation. “That just sounds like good time management to me,” she said, “but not necessarily ‘multi-tasking’ the way Ann’s describing it.”

    The soccer mom nodded slowly. She admitted that she was stressed. She said she was barely getting things done at home.

    I suggested, “I think we can stir the spaghetti or mop the floor while talking on the phone–no one is at risk like they would be if we were talking on a phone in the car. And even if the floor isn’t perfectly scrubbed or we splash the sauce, it won’t matter that much. But in our brains, something is switching back and forth. That’s all I’m saying.”

    She laughed and said she would for sure keep stirring spaghetti sauce and talking on the phone.

    And I laughed, because I did just the other day, too. And it splashed on the cabinet, my pants, and my shoes.

    As a mom, I find that I’m distracted enough without inviting even more of it through multi-tasking.

    So I’ve tried to simplify. I’ve tried to focus on one thing at a time, when possible, and give it my full attention.

    Sometimes we don’t have a choice. I’ve been forced to figure out how to juggle stuff. If I’m stuck multi-tasking, I at least try to acknowledge that I will be more effective if I can figure out how to isolate a task and switch purposefully and intentionally from one thing to the next. Most of the time, I try to avoid lots of stressful “layering” in my life.

    By living a little more defined and focused, I am more “present” to my family. I’m not always panicked about the next thing or the thing I realized I’ve neglected. I wish I could report that my family has ended up with a neater home or finer meals prepared with great attention to detail. I don’t linger with the laundry all that much.

    But the manic feeling in my head has settled. I don’t have that frantic, unfinished, “I know I’ve dropped the ball somewhere along the line” feeling as often.

    They have a more peaceful mother who can look them in the eyes without ticking through a massive to-do list.

    They’ve got a mom who has accepted her limits.

    Life is not always within my control, however, so there are times when events collide on my calendar and I’ll have to sort them all out and stir the sauce while scheduling people to serve at church or something. And my aversion to multi-tasking doesn’t mean I can’t kick into gear when need be and work hard. It just means that I try to do that one thing well before moving on to the next thing and doing it as well as I possibly can.

    It’s taken me years to realize the problem, and I feel somewhat validated by research, as well:

    Multi-tasking doesn’t work for me.

    To read about other lessons people have learned about what doesn’t work for them, visit Rocks in My Dryer, who hosts “Works For Me Wednesday.”

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