In a book called Putting Family First, William Doherty told about an NPR special on the decline of family dinners. The interviewer asked a teen-aged girl about her family’s dinners. She said that her family rarely sits down for a dinner together, or any other meal for that matter. He wrote, “When asked why, she replied, without a trace of irony or negative emotion: ‘How can we be expected to eat together at the same time if we are not all hungry at the same time?’” (p. 31-32)

What an individualistic outlook on mealtime–a practical, utilitarian approach.

Then I thought about how many people grab food on the run–maybe her attitude is the norm? Has it become the new normal, the 21st Century way that families eat? How many kids are growing up grabbing dinner on the go as the norm? For how many families has the concept of sitting down together for dinner become a special event?

In a 2005 statement citing a report entitled “The Importance of Family Dinners II,” I read that ”the more often teens have dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs.” They found in a comparison with teens who have five or more family dinners per week, that teens who have two or fewer are three times more likely to try marijuana, two-and-a-half times more likely to smoke cigarettes, and over one-and-a-half times more likely to drink alcohol.

The report said:

Given the importance of frequent family dinners and the powerful impact parental engagement has in preventing teen substance abuse, families should identify and work to overcome the barriers to frequent family dining. Late work hours, after-school activities and long commutes all come at the expense of valuable family time.

Are our (I’m thinking of the collective, societal “our,” not just you, the reader, and I) lives are so full and so fast that we need a scary report about drug and alcohol use among teens to remind us to make time for dinner?

On the other hand, if the scary report gets us cooking and eating together (and talking and laughing), that’s good.

I have noticed that many people in my generation don’t like to cook and/or don’t know how–with plenty of exceptions, of course. An interesting way that people are making up for the lack of knowledge is by watching the Food Network and subscribing to Cooking Light. These are great resources, but it’s kind of sad that we’re losing that generational experience, passing down methods and experience from grandma, to daughter (or son), to granddaughter (or grandson).

Of course, if we did that, we’d still be cooking with lard.

I sure hope that the family dinner isn’t dead yet. If, like the NPR girl, your daughter isn’t hungry at the very moment that you set the grilled chicken on the table, ask her to sit down and have a glass of water. Talk a little bit. Find out what she’s reading. Tell a stupid story. Laugh. Because being together is as important as the meal itself.

I’m not much of a cook myself, but in the name of promoting family dinners, I plan to post a recipe tomorrow for Works For Me Wednesday.

While you’re waiting, you can revisit my posting on making crepes or crockpot steel-cut oatmeal. Crepes are a family favorite at our house–even for dinner.